


Just The Usual

by blakesparkles



Series: How Far We've Come [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings, He has a few issues, Hurt/Comfort, Hux's a writer, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Slice of Life, Suicidal Thoughts, i mean...a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-19 10:57:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5964742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blakesparkles/pseuds/blakesparkles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He’s been inside his mind for years, and silence is what he knows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just The Usual

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction posted online and its all thanks to Margaret (mothdustmouth.tumblr)! She told me to keep going and gave me a lot of inspiration and kindness! She also edited this fic!! I'm very grateful for what you've done!! You're an amazing human being and i adore you so much!!
> 
> It may not be as heavy as the tags sounds, but proceed with caution! I don't want to trigger anyone. There's also a * at some paragraph, meaning a link will be at the end of the fic. This part belongs to my favourite poet. I hope you enjoy! ♥  
> Soundtrack, if you want:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79Hx5Qpyh7s

 

It is the first ray of sunshine hitting his window, the one with no curtains, that wakes Hux up. His alarm clock has long since been thrown on the floor in protest of sleep. His first conclusion of the day is that he should have gone to sleep earlier and rested his body, but his mind had insisted on opening the laptop and working on his book late into the night. Hux sighs deeply as he gets out of the bed.

Upon entering the bathroom, the artificial light burns his eyes, and he stands waiting for a few seconds to adjust his vision. It is the action of washing his face with cold water that actually wakes him up, and when brushing his teeth, his soft lips get reddened from the mint paste. Hux stares at his reflection in the mirror above the sink for a long time and notices that his dark circles were darker than normal. His ginger hair is starting to get way longer than it should be, and his face, once round, is now thin and the hollows of his cheeks are deep.  _ ''I could be Death himself,'' _ he thinks.

Before leaving home, he makes sure to put his laptop inside of his fading green backpack and pull on a blue jacket over his gray shirt. It’s been a few days since he has gone to the usual coffee shop a few blocks away from his tiny apartment. He might have issues, but he knows when he deserves a true cup of coffee.

Hux wanders off track, shortly before arriving at the shop, to buy another pack of cigarettes. The last one was consumed the night before,  and his fingers are starting to tremble, eager for another drag and to observe the ashes falling to the ground. It's only after he has purchased them, receiving a judging look from the cashier, that he returns to his usual path.

The packet sways from left to right inside his backpack.

 

☆

 

The red-haired man sits outside in his usual spot in the coffee shop in the left corner, at a round wood table that had probably seen better days. The chair creaks if you don’t know exactly where to position yourself. Luckily, Hux does.

The location is perfect for him. It is not hot because the wind reaches him even with the fence, covered with flowers, on his right side, and it is not as cold as it would be inside. The wi-fi is good, and the table has enough room for his laptop and whatever he desires to order. He  can also smoke without people complaining, thank you very much.

He opens the Word file. His draft stares at him, and he stares back.

‘’May I take your order?’’

 ‘’Just the usual, Mitaka,” he mumbles, still staring at the flickering vertical bar.

‘’I think you’ll need to look up, buddy.’’

Hux frowns at that. That’s not something Mitaka would say. But then again, he thinks this voice is much deeper than it should be. He looks up at the person standing there, and he is definitely  _ not _ Mitaka.

The first thought that crosses Hux’s mind is, oddly,  _ black and white.  _ The man in front of him has skin as white as snow and hair as black as night. He’s very tall, covered in constellations of moles. Plump lips, sharp cheekbones and strong eyes.

Bored eyes, actually.

‘’Did you hear me or what?’’

‘’Uh,” the ginger clears his throat and closes his mouth. Was it open this  _ whole _ time? Oh my god, he was staring.  _ Get your shit together, Hux. _ ‘’Uh, w-where is Mitaka…? What day is it? Isn’t this his shift?’’

The man - no, Ben - takes a notepad from his pocket before he talks again. Or…is it Ren? The name tag on his brown apron is crossed out in blue ink and Hux can’t quite read it from here. He forgot to put his contact lenses in again.  _ Just great, Hux _ .

‘’Mitaka quit. Some relative got sick or something so he had to go back to his hometown.” He sighs and taps the pen on the notepad. ‘’Again…may I take your order? I gotta work here.’’

‘’Oh,” Hux clears his throat again. Fidgeting a little, suddenly wanting to smoke again. ‘’Then I’d like a black coffee and a croissant, please.’’

‘’Right-o.” He writes it down and leaves in long strides. Hux hums. He wonders why Mitaka didn’t call him and let him know. They weren’t exactly friends, but Hux had become quite a regular costumer over the past year, and they had talked a few times and exchanged  phone numbers. Even so, Hux had fallen again into one of his bad weeks and hadn't seen him in a while. It’s not like he deserved to know. He’s just another costumer in the end.

The order arrives later than it would have taken Mitaka.  _ Just a bit _ . Hux’s eyebrow twitches at that. He tells himself it's nothing, but he’s clearly lying to himself. He hates change when it comes to social interactions. He likes to already know how people are going to react around him. He’s not prepared to learn that again. Doesn’t mean it’ll stop him. His brain is a mess, frankly.

The brunet doesn’t have the care the other server had. He’s not delicate.  _ Heavy hands _ , Hux makes a mental note. The hair is tied up in a bun but it doesn’t stop the curls falling over his eyes and neck.  _ That could easily fall onto some plate. _

How dare that pale man change his routine in Hux’s favorite place to calm his mind? This is  _ utterly _ annoying.

The laptop is left open while he eats his breakfast, but it is long forgotten. Hux lets his green eyes travel to the inside of the shop, and Ben, Ren, whatever that person is named, is found leaning on the counter in a very lax position. Puffing his cheeks as if to say how bored he really is.

That boy bothers him. Hux’s eyebrow twitches again. He burns his tongue on the hot black coffee.

Scratch that.

Hux  _ hates _ him.

 

☆

 

In a way, despite his thoughts consuming him more than his own drug, if it's not the cigarette’s chemistry that helps him to calm down, then it's definitely watching the sunset.

On his bad days, Hux likes to watch it. As childish as this sounds, he wishes he could be like the Little Prince and watch it 43 times per day, or even more. Definitely more.

When he’s sorrowful, things tend to be more eye-catching, like he’s finally stopped to suck in the air once more, because life can be really difficult and he’d remember to look up and take it all in. It’s almost like therapy, only he doesn’t have to pay for the sessions. Hux’s eyes capture the stunning shades of pink, yellow and blue, and he wistfully smiles.

He’s sitting on the floor of the porch. His tiny apartment makes no sound. Not even drops of water falling through the pipe into the sink. The last ashes had already fallen from the unlit cigarette a long time ago, and there’s only Hux’s thoughts as background noise. He lazily sighs, adjusting his back to the glass wall. He should buy some chairs. Even a small round table like the ones at the coffee shop.  _ That would be nice _ , he thinks.

That would be nice.

 

☆

 

A few days go by.

He hasn’t gone to  _ that _ place again, not yet. He’s too tired, and if that means making his own coffee and hating it, so be it.

The frail man wakes up convinced that it is time to get up. He washes his face; he brushes his teeth and even takes a shower. Only after glancing at one of the few clocks in his apartment does he see it is barely two am.

Hux’s green eyes widen just a little more than usual to show his astonishment. Lately, he wasn’t feeling anything in particular, so his look is constantly haunted by a blank expression. He sighs in frustration and shuts his eyes with strength until he sees multiple colored dots.

Every time he closes his eyes he has nightmares and jumps in fright after hardly five minutes, so falling asleep is not on the list anymore.

He hasn't had a good night's rest in weeks. Years, maybe. Who knows? Hux lost track of it a long time ago and doesn’t bother in counting again. The nightmares are frequently embracing his mind, and the man thinks he’s going insane.

The constant fear in his veins, and too many thoughts running in a non-stop track inside his mind, is getting unbearable. Hux wants to pull his hair and scream like he never has before.

*Hux thinks a lot about killing himself. Not like a point on a map, but rather like a neon glowing EXIT sign in a concert that was never quite bad enough to make him leave.

When he’s up he doesn’t kill himself because he thinks ‘’ _holy shit, there’s so much left to do!_ ’’ And when he’s down he also doesn’t do it because then the sadness would be over. And the sadness is his old paint under the new, the sadness is the house fire or the broken shoulder. He would still be him without it, but he’d be _so boring_.*

At three a.m., he agrees with himself that a cup of coffee would suit him well, and he lazily drags his feet to the kitchen, trying to forget such triggering thoughts. The echoes of his feet and breath are the only sounds in the apartment. He feels anguish.

The world is asleep.

Hux never is.

He likes his coffee dark and bitter _. A small representation of my life _ , he’d chuckle with the walls. A couple of minutes later, the machine beeps, announcing it is done, and the delicious smell invades his nostrils, but the taste is nothing compared to his favorite place. Hux slowly pours it into the white porcelain cup. He hums, feeling the warmth hit his hands around the cup, and admires the contrasting colors.

The first sips of the liquid make Hux cringe, but it makes him calmer in some way. He sits down on the brown couch. He also should buy a new couch.

He stares at his own reflection in the black TV screen until birds can be heard from the window. The first real sound in the house. He turns his face to the forgotten mug on the table. It is cold. He thinks about going to that place again and facing a  _ certain someone _ .

He sighs.

 

☆

Hux glares at the large window that belongs to the coffee shop. The muffled sound of people talking inside could be heard, and he took a deep breath before crossing the little fence and going to his usual spot.

He didn’t bring his laptop today. He is stuck and knows he’s not going to get any writing done so soon. Instead, he’ll just observe. People rushing to their jobs, walking with their dogs or talking on their cellphones. Faces he’ll never see again and yet they get a tiny fraction in his life. Maybe he’ll get some inspiration.

He hears more than sees the boy coming. He kicks his toe into one of the tables and curses out loud. What a gracious human being. Hux wonders how he got the job and pushes his glasses up on his nose; the contact lenses are found abandoned in the bathroom sink.

Right before the boy opens his mouth to talk, though, Hux says, ‘’Can Phasma take my order?’’

The latter frowns. ‘’Well hello to you too.” He then sits in the chair opposite to Hux’s.  _ What on Earth... _

‘’She’s the owner. She doesn’t serve.” He leans forward with his arms crossed and stares at the shorter man. Hux’s eyebrow twitches again. ‘’You wear glasses.’’

‘’What?” he’s pretty sure that was supposed to sound like a question.

‘’You wear glasses.’’

‘’I heard that, I meant what the fuck are you doing. Are you even aware that it is rude to sit at your client’s table without even asking?’’

The brunet’s eyes widen a bit and there’s a small smirk forming on his face. Hux didn’t mean to do that. ‘’I wasn’t expecting that coming from you.’’

‘’You don’t even know me,” he sighs. Why is this happening? He just wants a damn cup of coffee.

The other lifts his hand in front of Hux. ‘’I’m Ren.’’

He stares at the slender fingers not believing it. It takes a moment for him to decide, fumbling his fingers a bit on his lap. In the end, he takes the hand in his. They shake slowly and Ren’s hand is warm and strangely soft.

‘’Hux.’’

‘’Okay, Hux. Now we know each other. So...” He moves to stand up and puts the chair on its place. It creaks. ‘’Just the usual?”

 

☆

 

After that, Hux tries to get up from bed to go every morning and become a regular costumer again. He still struggles with the change. With the new black and white figure. With new nerves being hit every now and then. However, he knows he should try for himself.

He cannot stay inside his apartment forever.

Not when he doesn’t know how to make a proper coffee by himself, anyway.

Every now and then, Ren sits with him and throws small talk his way for around ten minutes, sometimes more. Still without asking, of course. Hux doesn’t know when he stopped caring and just went along. He begins to bring a yellow notebook instead of the laptop, just to see if writing the traditional way might help him.

It doesn’t.

Mostly, he just draws some silly sketches of what he sees around the shop, taking what he can get to distract himself from his dark mind.

‘’So, you know Phasma?’’ Ren rests his chin in his right hand and looks at the frail ginger man. He’s not wearing glasses this time. He remembered to put in his contact lenses and that makes Ren pout. He likes the glasses. ‘’You mentioned her once.’’

‘’I don’t,” he keeps his eyes on the yellow paper. ‘’I mean, yes. And no. I…,” he makes a mocking movement with his hands and looks at Ren. He considers once again what is happening. It’s been a long time since he had a real talk with someone. To the point of  _ actually _ spitting bits of his life at them. He’s been inside his mind for years, and silence is what he knows.

As much as this boy gets on his nerves, he is staring to ground Hux. This is both new and terrifying. He caught himself a few days ago actually looking forward to getting up because he’d face this once more. Whatever  _ this _ is.

‘’Hux?’’

He had closed himself off again and lost track of his surroundings, drowning in his thoughts.  _ Shit _ . He blinks a few times and shakes his head. Ren’s figure starts to refocus and he clears his throat. Funny. He actually seems concerned.

‘’I was really drunk once and apparently decided to come here in the night, and she basically found me. She was about to leave, so I guess I was lucky…She took me home. Now we just nod at each other from afar. Not exactly a relationship, but I guess she’s kind.’’

This is more than Hux has said the whole week, aside from the grunts he gives as answers, and Ren seems to know that because he’s grinning. He got a little anxious and his mouth just spilled the words. He takes a cigarette out of his backpack along with the lighter and pretends not to see it.

That day he learns Ren doesn’t like the smell of cigarettes. Well, sucks to be him.

 

☆

 

Hux dreams for the first time in seven years.

It was not a nightmare, but he’s still not sure if he likes it. Like any dream, it is blurry and very confusing. He doesn’t remember everything but he wakes up knowing there were soft black curls in it. Dark eyes that would gladly drag you into the void and pinkish lips ready to consume your existence.

He doesn’t get out of the house that day.

 

☆

 

On the next morning, it rains.

He tells himself he’s not upset for not going out and decides to take a shower. Hux loses track of time, watching the water drops hit the ceramic tile, the way his hair sticks to his neck and how his fingertips wrinkle.

There are scissors inside the medicine cabinet. He gets out to dry himself and wraps the towel around his waist. Hux wipes the mirror with his hand to see his reflection beneath the steam. He doesn’t like what he sees.

He opens the cabinet and takes the scissors in his right hand. He gazes at them, shining under the artificial light. He could use them to add more scars to his non-dominant arm; it certainly has been a while.

He trims his hair and shaves instead.

Not long after he dresses himself in a long-sleeved white shirt and jeans, he hears a knock on his door. Now  _ that _ is unusual. He doesn’t go right away, thinking it might be a mistake, someone knocking on the wrong number apartment, or even just kids playing around.

Another knock echoes in the silence.

‘’Who is it?’’ He goes to the door frowning at the situation he’s in.

‘’Hurry up and help me out, jerk.”  _ That _ voice he’d recognize anywhere now. He opens the door and his face-to-face with none other than Ren. He has his black hood up due to the rain, and a few drops of water fall through his long hair on the corridor’s carpet. He's carrying something.

‘’But…” Hux’s mouth is ajar. ‘’How the fuck do you know where I live?’’

‘’Phasma,” he says, entering  _ without  _ being invited, as if that was an acceptable answer. ‘’I’m freezing, c’mon, help me put these things somewhere. You’re the host.’’

‘’Shit,” he mumbles to himself and closes the door. Unbelievable. He takes two Tupperware containers from Ren and they move to the coffee table. He has also brought a thermos. ‘’Care to explain the meaning of this?’’

Ren just shrugs and removes his jacket, clearly comfortable with all of this, and sits on the old couch. ‘’It’s breakfast!’’

‘’Breakfast?’’

‘’Breakfast.’’

Hux realizes he is standing there holding two goddamn Tupperware containers, like an idiot. He puts them down and sits by the brunet, with a good space between them. ‘’You brought me breakfast.’’

‘’Yes, Hux! I think we’re past that. Now.’’ He moves to open one of the  containers and there are actual croissants and some pastries Hux has never dared to try. ‘’You can serve yourself today.  I’ll get us some mugs.’’

He goes into the kitchen like he owns the damn place, this is ridiculous.

‘’This is ridiculous.” Hux shakes his head to himself.  _ Ridiculously endearing. _

“Why?’’ Hux asks when Ren comes back with the mugs, not having had a problem finding them. It takes a moment for him to answer. He takes his time pouring coffee from the thermos for them before giving one of the mugs to Hux. He seems almost shy. Hux swears his cheekbones have some color now.

‘’You didn’t come yesterday. I figured you wouldn’t come today because of that,” he points to the rain outside the window.  ‘’So I thought ‘why not, if he can't come over then I’ll bring it to him.’’’

‘’That’s…’’ Hux blinks and tries to ignore the little trembling of his hands by gripping the mug harder. ‘’That’s very thoughtful of you.’’

‘’You know,” Ren laughs, ‘’I think that’s the first nice thing you’ve said to me.’’

He tells Ren to fuck off and tries hiding a small smile behind the steaming mug. Ren notices, nonetheless, and grins.

‘’Just…give me a heads-up before you show up, will you? Another nice thing coming from me: I'll give you my phone number. Text, next time.’’

‘’Okay,” Ren nods, holding another smile. ‘’Next time it is.’’

Whenever Hux isn’t feeling disposed to face the day, when things get too heavy to raise his shoulders and breathe right…Ren goes to him.

 

☆

He begins to write again.

Ren once said on a particularly hot day, when cups of iced tea were leaving wet circles on the wooden table, and the buzzing of a silver fan could be heard: ‘’ _ Write about what catches your attention. Write about the things you love. Just feel it.’’ _

So every now and then, it is the flickering of a light that gives him meaningful colors to paint on a canvas, the scent of seasonings that comes all mixed-up whenever one of them opens the cupboard, his bed that was slightly crooked and off to the right, because he likes sleeping in the wall’s corner, the sunset and its colors.

And Ren.

He’d always end up giving him inspiration, for the most part.

Ren had been visiting Hux more frequently for a few months now. It is not spoken out loud that this actually has become their new routine. Whenever Hux isn’t at the coffee shop and Ren isn’t working, they stay at Hux’s apartment. The ginger feels oddly comfortable with their silence and their dialogues. He still gets nightmares, but every now and then, another thing would show up in his mind. More curls, more lips, more constellations.

On a bad day, Hux doesn’t answer Ren’s calls. Nor when he knocks on his door. He stays in bed and covers his ears with a pillow. He doesn’t know how long he stays there but when Ren starts singing ‘’Ain't No Mountain High Enough’’ _obnoxiously_ _loud_ in the hall, that’s it!

Hux jumps from the bed at the speed of light, runs to open the goddamn door, and pulls this  _ idiot _ through by his shirt. ‘’Fine!’’ he yells. ‘’Say whatever you want to say, but for the love of god, don’t do this anymore. Are you crazy?!’’

‘’Am  _ I _ crazy? It’s not me who’s hiding all day, and not giving any sign of life, you jerk!’’

He doesn’t reply, otherwise he’d explode. This situation, mixed with how he is feeling, is beginning to make him irritated. He simply drags his palms over his face and groans.

It was that itch you can’t quite reach to scratch, that feeling when your skin tingles and all you want is to jump out of your body even though it’s physically impossible; the peeling being ripped off of the wall, and you still can’t feel satisfied after seeing the damage.

Hux feels like that today.

‘’Do you want a life update? Fine,” he says, exasperated. Shoulders down. ‘’Imagine being trapped inside a cardboard box that is too small for you to move in, so you’re stuck there for a long time. So long, you forget how to track time, what is real or not. Then suddenly, you see a little ray of light. Someone has poked a small hole inside the tiny box, and you stuck your face there because you can finally breathe.’’

They keep their eyes locked strongly together. Ren waiting for Hux, looking too big in a too small place. The shorter man feels weak, and says calmly:

‘’Some days it feels like somebody has covered that hole.’’

Something he said must have moved Ren, because his eyes soften and there’s another thing Hux can’t quite grasp. The anger in the atmosphere has dissipated. Hux feels hollow, craves his bed. He wants to ignore how the corners of his eyes are burning. Ren takes slow steps forward, as if trying not to scare a wild animal, and then he does one of the things Hux hates the most: he surprises him.

He kisses Hux’s forehead.

Ren’s hands come up to rest on his cheeks, and Hux just chokes on a cry. Because  _ goddammit _ , how can someone do this to him? When he expected nothing more than anger in return, he receives kindness. Ren's once heavy hands are now caressing his face with so much tenderness it makes Hux’s chest hurt.

He doesn’t deserve this. He wants it  _ so much _ though. To be held. To just  _ be. _ It’s terrifying to have something like this because it feels like it’ll go away any second. Like everything is just a cruel joke or a dream, meaning he’ll wake up and have to face the awful reality.

Ren kisses the tip of his nose too. Kisses his chin and neck, while planting soft words of love in the air. Saying things will be okay. That he’s sorry for the way he acted. That he wants him near. The shorter man melts and wraps his arms around the other, letting out a gasp of air and trying to breathe. With his head now buried on the brunet’s neck, Ren caresses his red hair.

A few minutes go by of them just standing there, caressing cheeks and hair, until Hux feels calmer. He raises his head to look at the black and white figure. The light coming from the porch’s window makes Ren glow. He realizes it’s the sunset.

Ren had stayed for hours waiting for him to open the door. He cannot believe it.  _ This is so silly. All of this. _ His eyes burn once more at that and he touches Ren’s cheek. He closes the small gap and presses their lips into one.

It is a slow, sweet kiss. The taller man is being patient and caring, letting Hux explore every trace of his lips like a map; sucking Ren’s bottom lip, feeling the warmth spread through their bodies, touching the curls of his hair and realizing it smells like green apple. Hux wants to laugh at how contradictory all of this is for them. It is incredible nonetheless.

Hux’s lungs fill with air.

 

☆

 

They make love for the first time on a rainy afternoon.

Hux is feeling good about life at that moment, and they are cuddling in bed, whispering words to each other, trying to figure out one another's minds.

‘’Why did you start talking to me? What did you see?’’ Hux whispers, like it's a secret and the thin walls will know about it. Ren adjusts his head to Hux’s eye level and pretends to think.

‘’I saw a very lonely nerd in glasses and let me tell you…Ow!’’, he laughs. Hux had hit Ren’s shoulder in a playful way to shut him up.

‘’You idiot, I  _ mean _ it,” he grins. ‘’Don’t joke about it.’’

‘’Alright, alright!’’ He makes a surrendering movement with his hands and stares a bit at Hux. His tone serious, he adds, ‘’I just…felt it. I felt like I should, Hux. It felt  _ right _ . Even if I just bothered you, I knew there was something going on right here,” he pokes softly at Hux’s forehead, as if to say his brain. ‘’You don’t see it, but there’s a shine in you. You glow, Hux. You’re beautiful. There’s so much inside of you and you don’t even know. I want to make you see it, and if I have to lend my own eyes, then so be it.’’

Hux is speechless. The drops of water are hitting the window, making soft noises, and the ashes from his last cigarette are resting on his nightstand. Yes, the last one. Ren told him he should bring to an end. Hux doesn’t believe he’ll ever stop one hundred percent, but he’ll test it out.

In a single movement, he’s found lying on top of Ren. He doesn’t have a proper answer to what he heard, and there’s so many feelings screaming inside of him that he just  _ cannot  _ process. So he decides to whisper against Ren lips:

‘’I want you to take me.’’

He does.

They share the same air in their lungs and become one. Their bodies move in sync and their lips are sweet, hard, and full of words they wouldn't have dared to say too soon. From the moment Hux feels Ren’s fingers inside of him, until having his hard member filling him, it is incredible passionate. Their moans and heavy panting echo through the room, the rain only  background noise now. The brunet groans to the sound of their flesh hitting together and Hux bites his lips, loving the weight of Ren pressing him against the bedsheets.

The way he holds Hux feels like he's putting all the cracked pieces of his mind back together, trying to patch him up, and Hux chokes on sobs at that feeling, too overwhelmed.

When he reaches his climax, he shouts and his tiptoes curl in pleasure. Ren follows soon after and spills inside of his lover, making him moan at the feeling.

They catch their breath and caress one another's skin, planting lazy kisses here and there. Hux buries his face to the other’s hair, and he just  _ knows _ his new addiction will be this delicious scent.

Ren goes to get a cloth from the bathroom to clean them up, and Hux holds in a whine for feeling empty again. They hold one another closely during the rest of the day, sharing each other’s warmth and care.

The next morning, Hux wakes up before Ren. He doesn't move from the bed, their legs still tangled. He’s lost on his thoughts, thinking of how so much has changed, and how he is going to process it. Anxiety crawls into his stomach, ripping his body open and going for his throat-

‘’Hey.’’

Hux looks up and sees that Ren’s awake. He must have been watching him, actually.

‘’We’re going to be okay,” he plants a kiss on his forehead.

Hux considers this. He’ll still have bad days. Terrible, terrible days. Life will never be easy. This is not something that can be removed from him entirely. It is part of who he is.

However, Ren will be there to catch him this time, won’t he?

The ginger man takes a deep breath, his cheeks are beginning to regain their form, and his eyes don’t carry such dark circles as before. He’s trembling a bit from being away from smoking for too long, but he can manage that. He licks his lips and opens his mouth.

‘’Yeah,’’ he whispers. ‘’We’re going to be okay.’’

Ren smiles at that. He kisses Hux briefly before stretching and getting up. It is a Saturday. On the days he doesn’t work, he has started preparing breakfast here.

‘’So,” he yawns, and starts going to the kitchen. He says one last thing without looking back: ‘’Just the usual?’’

Hux smiles.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZ67LWdhu-A  
> *the words on the paragraph belongs to Neil Hilborn: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xUEg2WxGqQ
> 
> Now with an ilustration i made: http://marvelsoldier.deviantart.com/art/Just-The-Usual-592231033 or http://strawberry-soo.tumblr.com/post/139734527034 (my tumblr)


End file.
